A while ago, Sarah turned away from her laptop and said, “You should write a blog about adopting for men.” It was an interesting thought. Most adoption blogs are written by women and read by women, and while we have met men interested in or who have adopted, there are far fewer than the fairer sex. But who was I to write it? I haven’t even met our future daughter. I am learning about this process as we go through it. We don’t have any biological kids, so I’m only a dad to my dog. (which doesn’t count) I am as much of an authority on adoption as I am on building log cabins. I’ve seen log cabins, I think I’ve been in one or two, but I have no idea where to start and I would have questions all along the way. (Man note: I’ve inserted log cabins here as that’s already kind of manly. Welcome to the Man Post)
However, after thinking about it, I figured that I could write this. Not from the standpoint of me being some sort of authority on adoption, but from the standpoint that I was once just a husband to a wife that was interested in adoption blogs. That’s how it started. Sure I was open to adoption and appreciated when I saw someone bring home a child. And we had discussed that should we not be able to have biological children, we would then happily adopt. But then she found those blogs. My wife found dozens of adoption blogs and spent hours scrolling through them reading and reading. Me, I loved it. It meant less time out shopping for….well….anything and more time for video games and watching sports. She would call me over to look at a picture of a child from time to time, but that was no problem. My game could be paused and commercials were invented to create efficient little breaks during timeouts. My wife was being entertained and I got to have command of the TV. That’s the proverbial win-win right there.
Then she began to talk about us adopting, and adopting no matter what. I bought in, I was for it. I knew of adoptive families, seemed pretty simple to me. Plus, it was years away, I wasn’t worried in the slightest. I think that may be a guy thing. In fact I am pretty sure it is summed up at the end of The Grapes of Wrath. Men focus on the here and now and can have laser focus on getting the job done in front of them. Women, however, can see a broader picture and can look into the future easily. I’m not sure why that is, and I am not going to speculate. And I certainly won’t say that one is better than the other, but I find it to be true. So when Sarah looked ahead and committed to adoption, she did so earnestly and without question. When I committed to adoption, I did it without ever thinking about the real ramifications. I knew that I was not opposed to it, but I also knew that we wouldn’t be adopting the next day.
Fast forward to this time last year when we began to consider adopting now, and we were at different stages all together. Sarah was blazing ahead full speed, while I was catching up and asking myself if I was really ready for this. Suddenly it was real and I had to get on board or drop anchor to halt my wife. That thought of adoption so long ago was now real and present.
Looking back at it, this would be the time I would revisit and talk to myself. This was the time I felt scared and confused. This was the time I needed a pat on the back and a swift kick in the tail. I needed to know that this was a good endeavor and I could do it after all. I needed to know that this was something that we each thought and prayed upon extensively and there was no reason to pretend that I was being rushed. I needed a man to tell me to stand up straight and walk down this path with my head held high and not to look back. I needed an adoption coach.
(Tomorrow I will pick this back up and speak to myself back then, from a coach’s perspective)