Waiting for direction

Before Odette was even home Jeff and I decided that by fall, October to be exact, we would be moving forward for number two, kid number two. Yes, before we even had one we were thinking about and planning for number two.  We would begin trying to have a baby.  We thought it would probably take a few months to get pregnant and then I would carry the baby for another 9 months.  We were thinking that when it was all said and done Odette would be home almost 18 months before a baby would join our family.

But, as I wrote about last night, it was just a short time after Odette was home that we started to wonder if maybe having a biological baby next wasn’t really what God had planned for our family.

We kept our deadline of October to begin working toward number two, but at that point we weren’t sure how the kid would be joining our family.  We knew that either way there would be some preparation involved.  Would we need to read up on conception or adoption?  We gave ourselves the deadline of August 1st to come to a decision.  (You can probably tell that I am a planner.  I need goals, projections, and deadlines.  Jeff? Not so much.)  During this time we were hearing what we thought were whispers from God, but we were still unsure.  We had created a pretty substantial list of the advantages of adopting again next. (we’d get the tax credit to use toward the expenses, we already had paperwork approval for 2, we had done it before, she would have someone to bond with, we already had a lot of toddler stuff, an adopted child probably wouldn’t be as demanding of our time and attention, etc.)  We felt like maybe we should go for it.

Then, August 1st came and went…

We did lots of talking but made little progress.  In fact, our deadline corresponded with our little family hotel get-away weekend.  A couple of hours together in the car and we reached the decision that we had no decision.  Jeff was 50/50.  I was 70/30 with the lead for adoption for the reasons listed above. (I will interject to tell you that Jeff is NOT one to be swayed simply by my asking.  Yes, I was leaning that way more than he was, but he came the decision all on his own.)  Neither of us felt really strongly one way or another.

But, we didn’t want to make the decision with His direction…

With Odette, our adoption was such a “God thing”.  We felt it so strongly and were assured of it many times.  We didn’t want to adopt this time because we just wanted to.  I don’t know how to explain  it, but it just didn’t seem right for us to do.  The process is incredibly taxing.  You need to know God is on your side.  HE will be moving the mountains.

We were so torn.  What was our plan and what was His?

We could hem and haw about it and throw around all the pros and cons of each.  It just didn’t seem right to move forward with adoption on our own accord.  So we turned to Him.  It was really only a few days after we began praying for guidance that it became more clear.  There wasn’t really an “ah ha” moment, but subtle leading and reassurance.  We came to the conclusion that we would pursue adoption until we came to a roadblock.  That would be our sign.  By mid-August I was emailing our home study agency about having an update done.  We were told then that they could do an update while completing the 6 month post placement visit.  Huh?  That’s not until November!  When I say yes, I mean yes, NOW. (We had heard the process was taking longer.  Odette was doing so well.  We wanted get started right away.)  I emailed again a few days later asking for clarity.  Then on August 21, we were heartbroken to hear that their policy is that the 6 month post placement visit had to be favorable before they would do an update.  Roadblock?  Or not?  For a time I thought it was, but then I reflected back on my own post.  This one, where I heard God telling me to not look at what was ahead, but to instead love the one I had.  Point taken.  I’ll do that until our 6 month post placement visit.  On that very night while saying prayers Odette added a sweet, “Thank you Jesus for mommy again” to her prayer for the first time ever.  I felt at peace with waiting.

So we waited…

On September 2nd I once again shared our prayer for an unknown child.  Secretly, knowing I was praying for our child.  The school year was getting off to a demanding start, and I was learning how to be a working mommy.  The wait seemed fitting.  During this time we read of the agency we used to bring Odette home closing to new families.  We didn’t worry because we were waiting.  Then we heard that the independent route that was becoming increasingly popular closed to new families.  We didn’t worry because we were waiting. We would lie awake at night and talk about growing our family again.  We kept coming back to, if our child was out there now waiting for us, God knows it.  If our child needed us now then somehow God would change a policy and we wouldn’t have to wait.

But then a door began to open…

In late September, we caught wind of a door opening for our adoption that we didn’t even know was a possibility for us.  We were excited.  We got our hopes up.  It all seemed too good to be true and made our wait suddenly all the more purposeful.  This was His sign.  This opportunity wasn’t known to us months ago.  While the doors that we previously thought were closed were actually opened, we had decided that if we could not pursue adoption through this organization we were going to completely regroup and reconsider how our family was to grow.

And, our deadline was approaching…

As October settled in, we were in the midst of applying to the program and learning if it was a good fit for both us and the organization.  Meanwhile, our 6 month post placement visit came and went with great success.  (It is SOOO much easier the second time around.  I had a basket of laundry on the washer, my floors weren’t mopped, and I didn’t have a worry on my mind.)  We talked to our social worker about number 2 and asked about the process for having an update completed.  At the same time we continued to pray that we would be accepted into the organization that seemed to fall out of God’s hands and into ours.  We began to picture our family.  We dreamed of how our lives would change.  We reminisced of our time in Congo and yearned to hear that we would be returning.

But, it was all out of our hands…

Then exactly six months after our trip to Congo we were notified that we were accepted.  We would be going back to get our son!  As it turned out we didn’t meet our October deadline for planning how to grow our family.  It was once again a lesson that His timing is always perfect.  As is His plan.

Once again, we feel our adoption is a “God thing”.

Just wait until you hear the story of our referral for Little A…talk about a “God thing”…

Sarah Signature


4 thoughts on “Waiting for direction

  1. So neat. We accepted our second child’s referral 6 month and 2 days after the first one came home. It’s a crazy ride isn’t it? Sometimes I look around and think how did I get here? But I know I’m glad I am.

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