Stop the divide

Let’s talk about adoption and specifically adoption from Congo.

How about we start with being kind to each other.  Let’s remember the emotions involved in the process.  I find that once your adoption(s) has been completed you become more and more opinionated.  I get it.  I am now, too.  You learn soooo much going through it that when you are on the other side and you slowly take your blinders off you know much more than you wanted to admit before.  But let’s stop the finger pointing.

We aren’t helping anyone.  Are there corrupt agencies and lawyers?  Yes.  Are there some things that are broken?  Yes.  Should we make people aware?  Yes.  Should we blame, accuse, argue?  No.  So many out there seem to do this.  I don’t get it and probably will never get it.  If you are passionate, channel it.  Help the kids.  Give your time.  Give your money.  Give your prayers.  How about instead of dividing the adoption community, we work together?  The Congo adoption community is huge and growing bigger every day.  Use the opportunity to bring change.

Chances are that your adoption wasn’t perfect.  Your agency/lawyer wasn’t perfect.  You probably didn’t ask all the tough questions.  Just own up to it.  Preface every conversation with that disclaimer.  Does there need to be accountability?  Absolutely.  Does Congo need to close for adoptions?  I don’t think so.  I am a nobody, but thought I’d give my two cents on the matter.

Just because we are going back at it for round two does not mean that I put the blinders back on.  So much has changed this time around.  In fact, I should write about that.  What I learned and how I am using that knowledge.  I’ll add that to my list of posts I owe you.  I think it would go under how we told Odette and her reaction, God pointing the way to little A,  and yes, I know I am WAY overdue for some Odette photos and update.

Now I have to tease and let y’all know that I have some new little A pics, too.  Oh how I wish I could share.  I got some (of the old ones) printed just today to show of at Created for Care this weekend.  Give me a holla if you will be there.  I may or may not be faaa-reeeking out about it.  Have I mentioned that I am a Major (with a capital M) introvert?

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8 thoughts on “Stop the divide

  1. I just came across your blog because my husband and I have been leaning heavily towards adopting from Congo. We were almost positive that we were going to and were just trying to decide on an agency. Then on Sunday I was sick and confined to my bed so I started googling and googling and was a little freaked out by what I read about Congo and possible corruption within the adoption system. I want to ask the hard questions and I want to make sure there is accountability AND I want to make sure that if there is a child out there that needs a family and food and shelter, I don’t ignore the pull to take action because I am afraid. Basically, I am overwhelmed now and I don’t know what where to start. Just adopting is overwhelming, but now I know I need to proceed with caution and I am LOST.

    I know you are a busy woman, but I could use a little push in the right direction or advice or whatever you have to offer. I have been back-reading all your posts, and I so appreciate your candor and openness. If you don’t respond, I totally understand! I am mom too and my plate is always full.

  2. thanks so much for posting this. we need more people pulling us together as a community instead of more ripping us apart and accusing those within. Of course, I don’t want to be naive. We all need to fight for ethical adoptions but the fight is not with each other. Thanks for writing this. I am so inspired by your adoption story.

  3. Sarah…I haven’t commented in a while, but have loved seeing your sweet Odette and her transition. Congrats on your second adoption!! We are in the process to adopt again- 3 from Ethiopia- and I too have been really BUGGED lately by all the judgement in and around adoption. There have been several articles lately in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal, which sensationalize some really sad situations in adoption. Also, I have noticed this trend among some adoptive moms to suddenly become experts on corruption in adoption and make those of us in process feel like we are part of the problem. So, thanks for this. Hope you had fun at C4C. I went once, but was WAY too much of an introvert to really get out of it what most people do.

  4. Well put!! It’s amazing how many in your circle who have never adopted (or have kids for that matter) become experts on adoption and parenting! Love that unsolicited advice!! I will be at C4C. . . . cannot wait! :0)

  5. Way to go. Sometimes people react emotionally to what is a very emotionally charges subject and don’t look at all the pieces of the puzzle. We are very lucky. We have been very pleased with our agency. I feel that they have been open and above board and that they and their lawyer have told us everything they know. They also, can only relate what they know. Would it be nice if the process went a WHOLE LOT faster? Yes! But, that isn’t up to the agency. Did it take every penny we have plus some we don’t – yes, it did. We knew that going in. Let’s face facts, closing adoption in a country guarantees many children a miserable existence in a country that does not have the ability to care for them. I believe that it would be nice to see oversight try to rid the process of some of the corruption but I don’t think that will happen. What we call corruption, others would call survival. I believe every child that needs a family should be allowed to go to one if one is willing to be there for them.We don’t know when we will fly to bring our son and daughter home from DRC but I won’t bug my agency about it. It’s part of the life story that we will relate one day. Our first daughter passed away five and a half years after we adopted her from a disease process that began in her orphanage. We pray to have the chance this time to see our children grow up and have the chnace to explain the miracle of their adoption. We are giving them the chance to grow up. Remeber ‘Pretty Woman?” What happens when the price rescues the maiden? He rescues her right back. Our kids are giving life to us as we give a new life to them. It was somehow meant to be. I will never understand how.

  6. Well stated! Adoption from any country has its ups, downs, ins, outs, overs, and unders. There are so many ways to channel our energies positively and helpfully. Such a shame that people feel the need to be so harsh and judgmental. 😦

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